A Liturgy, A Legacy, and an Apostate (Part I)

I love musical lineages. By that, I mean I love seeing the past influences of my favorite artists, getting to know those influences, and seeing how their DNA was passed down. One of these is Jimi Hendrix > Stevie Ray Vaughan > John Mayer. Another is Rich Mullins > Derek Webb. All of these have, of course, influenced many people, not just those I'm listing. Rich also heavily influenced my favorite artist, Andrew Peterson. But today I'm thinking about Rich and Derek--their similarities and their fundamental differences. 

Rich Mullins was known as a bit of a rebel in the Christian world. He spoke out against the acceptable sins of the American church. He confronted. He even cussed on occasion(!). This is one of the things Derek became known for over the years. He once said of Rich, "he has always been the picture of disruption inside the institutional church to me." 

I still remember when Derek's first solo album, She Must and Shall Go Free, came out; it had provocative language in it. "I am a whore/ I must confess/ I put you on just like a wedding dress" and "Could you love this bastard child/ Though I don't trust you to provide." Next came the heavily political Mockingbird, with songs like My Enemies are Men Like Me and In God We Trust. Then there was Stockholm Syndrome's What Matters More, which utilized cussing in a coarser (albeit equally intentional) manner: "And meanwhile we sit just like we don’t have give a shit/ About fifty thousand people who are dying today." (a reference to this Tony Compolo quote)

Yes, Rich was a rebel in the Church. But he was a rebel IN the Church. He stuck with the mess, despite his many frustrations. Derek has slowly drifted away from the Church. Bitterness has accompanied his frustration, it seems, rather than love. This is not what Rich was about and it is not what God is about. 

Derek's latest album, Fingers Crossed, is downright heartbreaking. After years of embracing the Christian "bad boy" role and a Nashville-shattering affair, Derek has lost his faith. The last song on the album reveals: "So either you aren't real/ Or I am just not chosen/ Maybe I'll never know/ Either way my heart is broken/ As I say goodbye for now/ Goodbye for now/ Goodbye for now."

It hurts to type these words. I love Derek Webb. His music, both with Caedmon's and solo, has influenced me and shaped me as a person. I don't want to be the latest person condemning Derek--for his music, his affair, or anything else. I guess this is more of a grieving process for me than an indictment. It just hurts. And though it is a grieving process, it is not one without hope. I want to believe God still has Derek. That his saltiness can be restored. That he would lose his saltiness towards the Church and be made truly salty again. For all the heresy in this album--and there is a lot--I do not see any blatant blasphemy. And because of that, I have hope.